Of Cover Letters and Other Truth Telling

I'm applying for a new job because my current job is like a vampire for my professional self-confidence.  Every shred of skill, ability and attitude I have honed over the past 15 years of my professional career has almost been drained away by the past 160 hours of my work life.  I took this job because it was a timely opportunity and it was something I thought I could learn how to do, but things are not progressing as I had hoped they might.  Thankfully another opportunity came up that's a better fit for me.  And I have to get out before I lose myself in the trees instead of continuing to develop forests.  I'm good at developing forests - and apparently not so good at learning how to groom the trees.  

For me, the hardest part of applying for jobs is the cover letter.  I grew up in a culture of women where you were to be demure, you were to deflect complements, and you were not to speak highly of yourself in any way.  You were not to express your true opinion because "if you don't have something good to say, don't say anything at all."  So unless you were talking about how good the Jell-O salad was, you kept your mouth shut - or you just kept shoveling food in your mouth until it was the appropriate time to get up and help with kitchen cleanup. (I've wondered on more than one occasion if this is not the root cause of many a church-lady's plumpness.) Voluntary kitchen duty for me has more than once involved "mistakenly" disposing of someone else's hot mess of a potluck dish then disavowing all knowledge about where the rest of it might have gone. 

So writing about myself in a way that places my abilities, talents and experience in a positive light has been a difficult task I have had to learn during my last semester of graduate school. I've had to shed my genteel upbringing and learn how to write about myself in ways I'm not used to.  It has helped me to put myself in the shoes of my mentors, to think about the things they would say about me and my work.  It has also helped me to let go of the control I feel like I need to have over every word I write.  The letters that have won me the interest of prospective employers have been the ones I've fired off quickly, where I've written eloquently about my passions, and the ones where I've treated my abilities and talents with (Yikes!) the most honesty.  


I still shed complements.  I still deflect glory - but only because I work with other women who can only take credit indirectly.  They're also the ones who make the best potluck dishes.  And every Southern woman worth her salt knows that silence is actually the best complement you can give a cook during any meal.  The other one is not refusing to take home leftovers. 

Beef - It's What's Making Me Sick

Beef - It's What's for Dinner.  This is a familiar ad I grew up with - this triggers all kinds of happy memories from grilling out to the theme song from Rogers and Hammerstein's Rodeo.  I was raised on the gold standard of beef - grass fed.  Twice a year, my Dad would scope out a prime specimen among the hundreds of unknowing bovine candidates in our pastures to become our dinner for the next six months.  He'd carefully select the best one out there, load it up in the trailer and roll off to the butcher 80 miles away.  A few days later, we'd pack empty coolers in the back of the Suburban and bring Bessie back to the deep freeze as steaks, roasts, ribs and ground beef.  

Because I was raised on such lusciously wonderful beef, I haven't been particularly impressed by the grocery store's efforts at what they call beef.  This has apparently been a lucky stroke for me.  Several years ago, I had a student who was diagnosed with a beef sensitivity, along with sensitivity to tons of other crazy things like olives.  She was a high achieving student, but reached new heights after she quit eating beef.  A couple of years later, my Mom's skin rash that had been diagnosed as Lupus and subsequently as a Latex/Lanolin allergy was so bad she changed doctors.  She was diagnosed with all kinds of crazy food allergies, including beef, watermelon and Brazil nuts.  She never eats Brazil nuts, so cutting those out was obviously not a problem - the other two were.  But after she quit eating foods she was sensitive to, her skin rash totally disappeared after plaguing her for constantly for more than 10 years. It was when my sister-in-law was diagnosed with similar crazy allergies, including a sensitivity to grapes, that I started to pay attention to my own reactions to foods I eat.  

My culprits:  almonds, soy, fruit whose juice is red, melon/squash, and...you probably saw this coming...beef. I went to the hippie grocery store last weekend (as opposed to the regular folks grocery store with lower prices and *gasp* corn fed beef) specifically to buy the good stuff.  I made this super-licious spaghetti with meat sauce to store away for lunch this week.  I've been eating it like gangbusters because of just how yummy it is.  I've been increasingly indescribably uncomfortable, and I've lost sleep because I've had acid in my mouth all night.  Then last night, I had a pretty wonderful grass-fed burger at a party along with several tums.  I think it was about halfway through the fireworks that a light bulb came on over my head that the Beef was making me sick.  I hadn't eaten any of those other foods in weeks because I'm very careful about not eating them.  It had to be the beef.  

So - this discovery doesn't really help me today.  In a few minutes, I'm off to get antacids to get me through until the Prilosec kicks in.  I've already had as much allergy medicine as I can have and stay awake for work today.  So, goodbye grass fed drips of grease down my happy hamburger eating chin, goodbye chunk of savory Sunday pot roast, goodbye to the sizzle of Ruth's Chris steakhouse, and goodbye spaghetti with super-licious meat sauce - we had a good run.  Now to find an allergist to get official confirmation of my own crazy food allergies. And more Tums.

First International Church of Starbuck’s

I am friends with a group of people that includes several members of the staff of a large local church.  One recently was fired for being too outspoken about church policies he disagreed with.  One was even more recently promoted because her boss recommended her for the position after the woman retired.  The senior pastor of that church resigned a few weeks ago, the hiring committee asked the music minister to resign.  Drama, of course, ensued. 

The response from the church members I know has been strong to say the least.  One side trusts the hiring committee explicitly because “they know things about the situation better than the rest of us do.”  The other side wants to raise hell because they were not involved in the decision making process, ostensibly implying that they would have kept the people happy and found a way to work through things.  I regret to say that this is pretty typical of churches I have known.  The story line is always the same:  do one thing, someone else doesn’t like it, drama ensues. 

I know a lot of folks in conservative churches listen to talk radio – you know the kind I mean - where the radio host is intolerant of any liberal views, cuts people off mid-sentence, and is generally disrespectful of anyone who is even a shade of gray away from his own views.  I can’t stand that stuff, even though I agree with 99.9% of what is said.  I can’t stand it because of how the hosts treat the callers.  My Mamma taught me that that behavior was rude and any lady worth her salt doesn’t treat people that way. 

The sad part is that this is how disagreements are treated in the Christian circles I have been a part of.  Dissent is never treated as an opportunity for exploring a topic.  It’s treated like leprosy.  Only the leper colony is now bigger than the “pure” folks inside the walls of the city.  This is doubly bad for those who ask hard questions because the defensiveness that comes from being a minority compounds the need to draw hard and fast lines about which all members must make a public decision.  It’s Travis’s line in the sand – and I fear that those who stay inside will die a painful death like the rest of the Texan patriots at the Alamo. 

For this church to survive, and many like it, there has to be an intentional process of drawing out the conflict very carefully, skillfully moving toward reconciliation – or at least enough forgiveness that those who choose to stay can move forward together as a church body.  This might be a wonderful opportunity to learn the skill of debate – recognizing the merits and weaknesses of someone else’s argument and presenting your own before both sides come to a new understanding of the issue.  All of this is very Hegelian, and sadly most Christian folks know very little about this nor do they care to learn anything about how to practice it.  But it is likely the most important skill that the pure church insiders need to gain if they are to reach the lepers they have ostracized by their staunch foothold on their version of the truth.

 

I’m not advocating for a looser definition of truth here.  I am advocating for listening, for respect, for openness to others’ ideas & perspectives, for laying down your own pride and considering others as more important than yourself.  All of this is Biblical, yet these phrases do not characterize the way that this church has been treating its staff.  And the lepers become less and less interested in getting back into communities that treat people like they’re enemy guests on an afternoon radio show.  That’s why I think I’ll stay a leper and hang out with the other lepers for a while longer at Starbuck’s on Sunday mornings. The coffee's better there, anyway.  

Shifting the Balance

I’m beginning to lose sight of my goals again.  I had the opportunity to watch my team lose for a second time last night and their opponents moved on to the national tournament.  It was a late night and I relished the devil’s hour and a half of sleep again this morning, plus, I need to make up 30 minutes of work from leaving early yesterday. 

I feel discouraged because every day since Friday, I have had some social engagement that provided me with not so positive food choices that did not meet up with what I had planned and needed to eat.  If I am really interested in losing 10-15 pounds and keeping that weight off, I need to make some different choices when it comes to eating with my friends.  Most of the time, in my mind, I’m interested in losing that weight, but when it comes down to a choice between shrimp on a green salad and fried cheese, fried cheese might win every time. 

The times when I’ve been most successful at losing weight have been times in my life when I’ve been isolated socially either because a breakup/custody battle for the friend network or because I was at a multi-week training out of state.  Numerous articles demonstrate that people, especially women, will tend to be the same weight within their social network because they tend to eat the same kinds of things and exercise about the same.  It’s as if we carry around our social network around our midsections.  I don’t think I need new friends – I think I need to shift where I am on the “how much we eat together” spectrum.  I don’t think I need to stop going out with my guy friends, I just need to remember that my body does not need as many slices of pizza as they do. 

For this change to really take effect, I have to mentally practice making those choices so they become automatic when I’m in the moment.  Then, I think that when I make a better choice in the moment, I need to have a non-food reward that I get.  Thinking about that could be really fun…

5 and 5

Wow – Starting a new week of workouts at 5 a.m. AND starting a new job (my first 8-5 job ever and my first full time job in two years) is a killer.  I’ve been making it ok until 5 p.m. every day, even spreading out my water and calorie intake enough that I don’t feel crazy hungry when I get home.  When my alarm buzzed at me at 5 a.m. this morning, the devil on my left shoulder and the angel on my right shoulder had a long conversation, and I turned over to my left for another hour and a half of sweet rest which was punctuated with my typical alarm-free alarm clocks on the highwires outside my window – the choir of mockingbirds and mourning doves that are there every day.

The first sleep-in usually portends a longer stopping period for my workouts – like several weeks of sleeping that extra hour and a half.  When I was teaching, this used to happen during the end of April or beginning of May when I was tired and ready for the school year to be over, and I would not pick back up until I got ready for the next school year to begin. Honestly, it was always kind of nice to look at myself in the mirror during June and July and gradually see the need for a daily work out slowly become evident again – if you know what I mean.

I think that to be the person I want to be I need to be working out on a regular basis, and if that means I stay with it year-round because I have a different kind of job now, then that’s what it means.  But at the same time, I just don’t have the stamina yet to wake up every day at 5 and also work from 8 to 5.  Maybe four days a week is ok this week – maybe the third and fourth days will be my great acts of faith for this week.  I know that I have a go-to-the-gym workout with a friend tomorrow before the crack of dawn so that’s insurance.  I also have this weekend off from working out, so that’s a longer period of rest that is upcoming.  I guess Rome wasn’t built in a day – and work/work out stamina isn’t built that way either.

In the spirit of keeping my bigger goals and reasons for working out in mind:

1.       I want to lose about 15 pounds

a.       So that I feel comfortable in the clothes that I currently own

b.      So that I feel confident about any swimsuit opportunity/invitation

c.       So that I can maintain my ideal about my belly not sticking out past my boobs

d.      So I am lower on health-risk indicators (although I’m beginning to think that BMI is a crock of crap from the 1950’s – I’m in the level marked “obese” even when I’m at my fittest)

2.       I want to be a disciplined and focused person

a.       So that I can achieve the things I want to achieve

b.      So that I can feel successful at work

c.       So that I can have time and money to play

3.       I don’t want to be perceived as lazy, sad and fat because although I have my moments, they are not who I am most of the time. 

4.       I want to develop a consistent workout attitude now so that when I am older, I don’t lose function because I don’t work out

a.       I want to keep my muscles and mind sharp

b.      I want to be living independently and healthily for as long as possible

c.       I want to experience what life has to offer at many ages in the future even though I have not fully done that at past ages

With those things said, I feel a little more motivated again - too bad I need to leave for work in 30 minutes and can’t hit the weights right now!