Motivation, Montessori, management and GenX

I respectfully disagree. This is great for the greatest generation (Drucker was in this generation or older). It kinda lets folks off the hook for their own tasks. If the manager is responsible then the worker should reap no benefit of the work, only the manager. 

As a Montessori teacher for 9 years, I still believe that people should be intrinsically motivated by the tasks they are doing. Therefore, their work is their responsibility as is how they feel about it. 

As a GenX manager of baby boomers, one greatest generation and a millennial, with a GenX boss, I go into work assuming everyone is self motivated about their work. Their production is not my responsibility. It's theirs. I think them function and overall production is a shared responsibility between me and them. I have my own production that I am responsible for. 

I struggle with production in my greatest generation employee. Maybe I should take this approach rather than keep being frustrated. After all, we are only ever a product of our times. 

Assumptions Make a You-Know-What out of You-Know-Who

"THAT'S why women need to have their own income, a job, and their own security." 

A puzzled look creased my brow. I narrowed my eyes at the woman across the table from me.  She jerked her chin, directing my attention to the table to my right.  

I turned to see a trim, well dressed man eating a chicken wrap.  The woman across the table from him wore a soft cast propping up her swollen hand.  Her eye was purple and green and was swollen down onto her cheek.  She was using her good hand to fork the big salad in front of her.   They spoke animatedly. They even laughed a little at some unheard joke between them. 

It appeared to me that she had been in a car accident but my lunch mate's implication was clear: the well groomed chicken wrap eater had done that to her.  

...Shame on him for being so mean. 

...Even more Shame on her for staying with him.  

The assumption that this relationship was wrecked instead of their Camry digs at me.  I've been down the abused path before (emotional, never physical).  I spent the next 10 years unfairly projecting a parallel.  I assumed that the public/private dynamics of my relationship must be the same in other relationships, too.  I made numerous accusations to that point that only cast my victim experience in sharp relief.  It did nothing to address the faults I projected onto others' relationship dynamics.  

I think it is natural to judge others for not being like you.  It is natural to judge others though the lens you judge yourself.  I always look at other women to see how I stack up --but I never look at the things I like about myself.  I look at the things I hate.  

We are conditioned to think in certain ways by many different things.  We notice things that stand out to us.  We notice things that we don't like about ourselves.  In the process, our individuality and others' individuality are left by the wayside like so much road kill.  

It is true that all people need their own sense of security. and Shame on abusers.  It is also true that we need to take a breath, recognize our own lens, and collect more information before we mentally accuse strangers of abhorrent actions. 

The Gospels urge us not to judge.  "Judge not lest ye be judged." from my experience, this might be in the wrong order.  Before my abuser, I didn't even see abuse.  How could I have judged it?  After that experience, it was all I could see for a time.  It was all I wanted to see for a time.  I'm relieved that this burden did not blind me today.

I've listened to many a sermon on premature and uninformed judgment.  Maybe I need just one more.  Maybe we all do. 

Until Then?

If I had a movie genre that defined my life, it would be romantic comedy.  Maybe that's why I don't like to actually go see them in theaters - they hit too close to home.  You know the scene, the single girl who's in a sad state then she meets/falls for the impossible guy then through some stroke of fate he falls for her.  That's all good and great, but I am stuck at the "Then" part. And have been my whole life. 

This is where my life turns more into tragedy.  It has happened to me pretty much continuously since I discovered boys in the 5th grade.  I even prolonged one of these relationships for 2 years.  

I haven't had a proper date in 4 years.  I've been hanging out a lot in the past few months with a pretty dreamy dude.  We've got a lot in common.  Family is a huge priority, learning new stuff is cool, we both like action flicks and cold beer with wings.  Life was pretty great - but - I just recently got to "Then".  

And just like the Ro-Com leading ladies, I'm at the moment where she catches the leading man in some sort of misunderstanding or they discover that they are at cross purposes.  This usually comes before the clarification of the misunderstanding after which he declares his undying love for her.  Generally during this part of the movie, it either rains or there is a gallon of ice cream involved.  (That's how you know that moment is coming...)

Insert any Katherine Heigl movie here!

I'm all kinds of good with living in Ro-Com land up until this part.  Honestly, it's pretty fun.  But it's not what I want deep down.  I'm not even sure I want a movie-perfect ending.  Heck, I'd just settle for an ending of any kind instead of languishing on the editing room floor.  For how I've been feeling - living in my Ro-Com turned Tragedy - I'd go back a scene or two and where the tension builds and builds and you begin to feel sorry for said single girl.  

So, I'm waiting for it to rain or for the gallon of ice cream moment to hit.  Someday something like that may happen to me.  Right now with this year's dreamy dude - I doubt it.  So - I'm waiting until "Then".   Again.