"Joy is the emotional expression of the courageous yes to one's own true being." Tillich
I'm so glad I realized that I was not getting what I wanted from relationships. I'm so glad I went to therapy and connected with myself. It also connected me to God in ways I had been afraid of, I think. It meant self-acceptance, which I've never been terribly good at- which was part of the problem. If I wasn't great at something out of the box, I wasn't going to continue. This is why I still don't play tennis or golf.
I had to accept that I would never be good enough to accept myself as good enough. And Jesus as my "good enough". I had to look at myself and really see the rough edges, not just cover them with effort upon effort or with avoidance. Freedom. Unclenching freedom. Breath. Rest.
I cannot say there was joy in my life before that moment of acceptance. I can now, and my life is much more messy now, both figuratively and literally. I found joy when I quit trying so hard. I found myself.
I found connection to my work, which multiplied that joy.
Most of all, I found connection to God as my creator. And to who I am created to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment