Q-Tips: Enemy of Warrior 3

Yoga went much better today than normal.  In the past six months that I’ve been going to the Chiropractor regularly, I’ve recognized that I have one side of my spine and body that is much more flexible and strong than the other side.  That’s mainly because I have a tiny tad of scoliosis just above my sacrum.  I never guessed that clumsily leaping off a high jump mat and cracking my tailbone in the 5^th grade would echo into my 30’s. A valiant attempt to impress those 8th grade boys had become a miserable preadolescent fail.  

My main Yoga problem, however, is not my unbalanced strength and flexibility – it’s balance.  Warrior 3 is a joke for me – you want me to stand on how many feet?  Not all of them?  I’m quite sure that my instructor can feel my incredulous eyes boring a hole in the back of her head.  This whole issue, or so I thought, caused my right side balance to be much more stable than my left side balance on most days.  That is, until today. 

The past few weeks, I’ve been feeling sore in my left ear.  Saturday morning after my run, it started to get worse.  Monday I was fevered and the pain was beginning to diminish my appetite.  I noticed I could not walk a straight line down the hall.  Yesterday, I admitted to myself that I was fully into the 3^rd day of an ear splitting headache and was going downhill fast.  I left work early to go to the clinic.  After washing my ear, which felt like they were shooting a stream of water up into my eyeball with a stun gun, they made me lay on my side while they pulled out a piece of earwax larger than what should logically fit inside my tiny ear canal.  It was big.  And unnaturally gross.  It was a color that things that come out of your head should never be.  It was like a train wreck – I was utterly repulsed but I could not look away.  The culprit?  Q-tips.  The Dr. said that using Q-tips is like loading a musket with a tamping rod – it just shoves whatever is in the ear canal up against the ear drum.  Since I am a fan of really clean ears, it made sense, but I’m going to have to rethink my affection for the little white cotton covered tamping rods if this is the ultimate and super nasty conclusion of all things Q-tip.

 

After she removed the giantific ball of wax, I felt nauseous and the nurse had to hold me up because the room started spinning.  I recovered quickly, spent more than enough at the pharmacy for meds and went to bed early. This morning, after a massive dose of pain medication and my first round of eardrops since I was a baby, my Yoga practice was unfettered by any concern about my balance.  In fact, I’m wondering why I hadn’t decided to blame my ear wax for a less than stellar practice up to this point.  Warrior 3 was a one-footed miracle today – one that I don’t want Q-tips to ever steal from me again!

You're Getting Stronger!

I always love it when Chalene says stuff like this in her workout videos.  I've heard other people say that her well-placed motivational comments push them through, and I always think that its a little cheesy when she says that stuff, but it really does work.  This is the beginning of my third week of ChaLean Extreme and I'm excited to say that I'm getting stronger.  I'm moving up in  my weights and seeing definition in all the places I want it.  Hitting almost all of the pushups on my toes inspires me to hit them all on the next round - or at least she makes me believe that I can!  


There is a Biblical proverb: As a woman thinks in her heart, so she is.  There comes a point in the lift-heavy mentality where you feel like you're pushing an immovable rock up a hill, and then she hits you with "You're not tired - you have the strength to get that weight up, and I guarantee you have the strength to get it down!"  And then you get the feeling like that rock you're pushing is not so big.  In fact, you've crested the hill and it's rolling down the other side.  Take that, rock!


Believing I can get that weight up, do one more push up on my toes, and finish one more perfect tricep press is critical to my success in this program.  To do that, I can't let myself think that it's too much for me.  I have to become enough for it.  In fact to do it right now, I have to believe that I am already enough for it.  These positive messages Chalene sends out make me believe in my heart that I'm already enough.  


It is easy enough to believe the bad feedback we get on a daily basis from ourselves and others.  I'm a girl with a strong perfectionist achiever drive, so I have a tendency to give myself bad feedback if I don't bat a thousand every day.  I read one time that it takes a vastly huge number of positive comments to balance out one negative comment.  It's a good thing that I work out in the morning before I dig my negative self-commentary deficit too deep.  Even though I know these workouts were filmed like 5 years ago, her positive comments keep my motivation afloat for most of the day.  


Chalene's motivational moments help me believe in my ability to get what I most want in life.  I have to believe right now that I am enough for the tasks of my day - whether it's one more posterior fly or trouble shooting the statistical software I run at work.  I have to believe that right now, even though I've just started pushing the rock up the hill, that there is a crest, and it's much easier on the other side.  I have to think these things, believe these things, practice these things - because then I live these positive things and not the negative ones.  As a woman thinks in her heart, so she is. 

Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful

My strongest muscle group, and my favorite to work out, is legs.  My friend was showing off the results of his intense calf work the other day, and I knew not to reciprocate because my genes have gifted me with miraculously gorgeous calves.  Jealousy often follows this kind of conversation because of this, and I have to defer to the “Thanks, Dad” sheepish comment I always make.  The dreaded look of “I hate you” inevitably follows.  My mind immediately flashes to that Pantene commercial where she flips her hair and says in her ambiguously foreign accent – perhaps people feel that foreign beauty is somehow better than domestic beauty – “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful” – just be the best you that you can be.   

This workout today – Lower Body Extreme Zone – is 40 minutes of the best of what will make it painful for me to walk the stairs today and tomorrow to my 2^nd floor office.  Quads, hams, abductors – lunges, dead lifts and squats.  I don’t often feel this way, but 30 minutes later during my awesome breakfast, my muscles are still tired (fried egg on Ezekiel toast, avocado and mandarin oranges if you were wondering).  I always feel like I’ve really accomplished something when I finish that workout because it’s one of the series that always challenges me. 

Sometimes it’s hard for me to get excited about another set of bicep curls or shoulder presses.  My body seems to think that upper body muscle is a really good idea (Thanks, again, Dad) – which it is to an extent, but developing giantific man arms is not my goal.  This is yet another reason why putting my attention into legs is beneficial for my overall approach to my aesthetic. It’s hard enough to find shirts to fit the balance between my shoulders and waist as it is without adding muscle.  If beauty is pain, then the sweaty face in the mirror with avocado stuck to the corner of my mouth and no gas in the tank – that’s beautiful.

Shifting the Balance

I’m beginning to lose sight of my goals again.  I had the opportunity to watch my team lose for a second time last night and their opponents moved on to the national tournament.  It was a late night and I relished the devil’s hour and a half of sleep again this morning, plus, I need to make up 30 minutes of work from leaving early yesterday. 

I feel discouraged because every day since Friday, I have had some social engagement that provided me with not so positive food choices that did not meet up with what I had planned and needed to eat.  If I am really interested in losing 10-15 pounds and keeping that weight off, I need to make some different choices when it comes to eating with my friends.  Most of the time, in my mind, I’m interested in losing that weight, but when it comes down to a choice between shrimp on a green salad and fried cheese, fried cheese might win every time. 

The times when I’ve been most successful at losing weight have been times in my life when I’ve been isolated socially either because a breakup/custody battle for the friend network or because I was at a multi-week training out of state.  Numerous articles demonstrate that people, especially women, will tend to be the same weight within their social network because they tend to eat the same kinds of things and exercise about the same.  It’s as if we carry around our social network around our midsections.  I don’t think I need new friends – I think I need to shift where I am on the “how much we eat together” spectrum.  I don’t think I need to stop going out with my guy friends, I just need to remember that my body does not need as many slices of pizza as they do. 

For this change to really take effect, I have to mentally practice making those choices so they become automatic when I’m in the moment.  Then, I think that when I make a better choice in the moment, I need to have a non-food reward that I get.  Thinking about that could be really fun…

Potato chips are meaningless without Yoga (or…Love Letter to my Chiropractor)

Today is the first Friday of my new career.  I’ve been sitting in an office chair for the past four days.  For eight hours or more every day.  I also have not one, not two, but three twists in my spine in the distance from my pelvis to my ribcage – a fact recently provided to me by my Chiropractor.  Add this to an 11 degree curvature right to left in the lowermost vertebrae and I’ve got one messed up slinky trying to hold up my upper body. 

So yesterday I brought in my back supporter.  I thought it might make things better – it is a back supporter after all, although looks like a Pringle’s potato chip married a backpack and this thing is the ugly child.  It did help me a bit, and reminded me to sit up more, but I came home needing to lay on my back with my knees up to give my lower spine some breathing room.  The problem I anticipate today is that my poor slinky of a spine will begin hurting before I even get settled and started on programming statistical scripts that almost turned me into the Incredible Hulk yesterday.  My back really never quit hurting from yesterday.  And I took some heavy drugs, and used pain rub, and I’m currently using my TENS device – all of which should have relieved the pain independently, and have not relieved it as a trifecta.  Yikes!

Perhaps my Friday workout routine needs to include a little more Rag Doll, Triangle, Boat, and Twist.  In fact, this used to be my Wednesday routine to break up my strength and cardio cycle, and it didn’t hurt that Wednesdays were my Chiropractor day – he used to say that I always did much better on Wednesdays than any other day, Thank You, Slinky!  I’m all for natural pain remedies and prevention, and Thank You, Chiropractor, TENS company and all of my YouTube Yogis!  And here’s to no more three-pronged failed attempts at back pain relief in the future! 

5 and 5

Wow – Starting a new week of workouts at 5 a.m. AND starting a new job (my first 8-5 job ever and my first full time job in two years) is a killer.  I’ve been making it ok until 5 p.m. every day, even spreading out my water and calorie intake enough that I don’t feel crazy hungry when I get home.  When my alarm buzzed at me at 5 a.m. this morning, the devil on my left shoulder and the angel on my right shoulder had a long conversation, and I turned over to my left for another hour and a half of sweet rest which was punctuated with my typical alarm-free alarm clocks on the highwires outside my window – the choir of mockingbirds and mourning doves that are there every day.

The first sleep-in usually portends a longer stopping period for my workouts – like several weeks of sleeping that extra hour and a half.  When I was teaching, this used to happen during the end of April or beginning of May when I was tired and ready for the school year to be over, and I would not pick back up until I got ready for the next school year to begin. Honestly, it was always kind of nice to look at myself in the mirror during June and July and gradually see the need for a daily work out slowly become evident again – if you know what I mean.

I think that to be the person I want to be I need to be working out on a regular basis, and if that means I stay with it year-round because I have a different kind of job now, then that’s what it means.  But at the same time, I just don’t have the stamina yet to wake up every day at 5 and also work from 8 to 5.  Maybe four days a week is ok this week – maybe the third and fourth days will be my great acts of faith for this week.  I know that I have a go-to-the-gym workout with a friend tomorrow before the crack of dawn so that’s insurance.  I also have this weekend off from working out, so that’s a longer period of rest that is upcoming.  I guess Rome wasn’t built in a day – and work/work out stamina isn’t built that way either.

In the spirit of keeping my bigger goals and reasons for working out in mind:

1.       I want to lose about 15 pounds

a.       So that I feel comfortable in the clothes that I currently own

b.      So that I feel confident about any swimsuit opportunity/invitation

c.       So that I can maintain my ideal about my belly not sticking out past my boobs

d.      So I am lower on health-risk indicators (although I’m beginning to think that BMI is a crock of crap from the 1950’s – I’m in the level marked “obese” even when I’m at my fittest)

2.       I want to be a disciplined and focused person

a.       So that I can achieve the things I want to achieve

b.      So that I can feel successful at work

c.       So that I can have time and money to play

3.       I don’t want to be perceived as lazy, sad and fat because although I have my moments, they are not who I am most of the time. 

4.       I want to develop a consistent workout attitude now so that when I am older, I don’t lose function because I don’t work out

a.       I want to keep my muscles and mind sharp

b.      I want to be living independently and healthily for as long as possible

c.       I want to experience what life has to offer at many ages in the future even though I have not fully done that at past ages

With those things said, I feel a little more motivated again - too bad I need to leave for work in 30 minutes and can’t hit the weights right now!

Such a Great Cloud of Witnesses…

In the Bible in the book of Hebrews, the writer lists all of these great people from the Old Testament, describing how they were full of faith.  That writer remembers the folks who were renowned for great things – Moses for bringing the Israelites out of Egypt, for example.  When I think of great folks from the Old Testament, I think of David.  What’s the first thing I think of with him?  The Bathsheba incident in which he slept with her and killed her husband – drama ensued. 

During my workout this morning, the instructor urged us to find someone in the class whose energy was inspiring and we should match the energy of that person.  That often works for me until I start thinking about the emerging blister on my big toe, how much my heel hurts or how loud I’m being and the lady downstairs is still in bed.  I do have my favorite people that I watch, especially since most of my workouts are videos.  I’ve been doing the BeachBody thing long enough that I know exactly the one in the video who will screw up at exactly what point.  It kinda makes me feel better when I either screw up myself or when I hit the choreography when they miss it. 

So, why do I remember the screwups and not the ones who did it right all the time?  I do think it makes me feel better when I see someone who is not perfect.  But that does in some small way give me “permission” not to be perfect.  In one way, both fitness and faith seem more attainable because of those who are not perfect, but at the same time, if the writer of Hebrews is putting up examples of folks whose faith was enough – shouldn’t we be looking at them as examples of how to really “arrive”? 

It seems like all of the people listed in Hebrews did great acts of faith.  What about their day to day lives – surely they screwed up and went through phases where they felt the blah’s about all things faith.  Surely those great acts were both preceded and followed by times when they didn’t measure up to the perfect faith standard they are known for because of their one great act. 

Both fitness and faith are more than just one great act – they are the input and outcome of consistent choices.  They are the input and outcome of choosing to get back on track after the screw up.  I want to be the kind of person whose screwups and great acts are both remembered.  I don’t think you can have one without the other. 

ChaLean Extreme (Again)

I began again, as I do about twice a year, a round of ChaLean Extreme today.  I love the way I feel when I have lifted all that weight.  I love watching my strength capacity grow from week to week and month to month.  In years past (yes, I’ve been doing this for years – I started working out with BeachBody long enough ago that I still have the original P90 – no X – on VHS) I have not made any efforts to change my nutrition, so I saw results for several weeks because my metabolism was increasing, but my appetite was, too.  So I found that the muscles pushed out the fat that was sticking around on my hips and below my belly button.  I always pored over the nutrition guides when they came in and when I needed some new ideas for recipes.  Counting calories was always an estimation game that I lost when it came 8 pm and I wanted a round of corn muffins or a hit of Choco-Cherry Love Blizzard. 

So I tossed my flour, sugar and butter a few weeks ago and decided that my most recent failure would not repeat itself.  I lost 10 pounds using LoseIt.com as a calorie counter, but got distracted by my emotional response to graduating and being without a job.  So many threads of good timing are coming together here to (hopefully) yield my success. 

My aim is to lose about 15 pounds of fat by several means:

1.       Planning out my eating very carefully (This is not really new).

2.       Completing a cycle of ChaLean Extreme (Not new either).

3.       Practicing alternative strategies for handling emotions that come with me feeling inadequate, uncertain and hopeless.  (Such as calling a friend, creating something artful instead of baked, cleaning instead of making a grocery store run, Never driving by Dairy Queen unless there is no other choice – have I mentioned I love a Blizzard?)

4.       Meditating daily on positive thoughts like “I am ready for a change”, “It is ok to be a little hungry”, “I can be open to new relationships while I redefine my relationship with food.”

5.       Blogging every day about either my fitness journey or my spiritual journey, which are pretty much joined into one.  Reflection is an excellent way to deepen commitment, explore what’s going right/wrong, and reinforce positive moments. 

So, we’ll see how it goes, and best of luck to me as long as Dairy Queen doesn’t beckon too strongly!